Sexual Abuse

Reports of sexual abuse and incest are increasing as each day passes by. Reports show that 1 in 2 children are sexually abused by the time she reaches the age of 18. Seventy-five percent of the abuses are done by family members.

Sexual abuse is any form of nonconsensual physical contact. It includes rape, molestation or any sexual conduct with a person who lacks the mental capacity to exercise consent.

Incest is defined as sexual relations of any kind by a biologically or nonbiologically related person functioning in the role of a family member. These include: fathers, mothers, uncles, aunts, brothers, sisters, stepparents, grandparents, coaches, baby sitters, clergy and teachers.

• Sexual touching and fondling.
• Exposing children to adult sexual activity, including pornographic movies and photographs.
• Having children pose, undress or perform in a sexual fashion on film or in person.
• ‘Peeping’ into bathrooms or bedrooms to spy on a child.
• Rape or attempted rape.
• Forcible kissing.
• Sexual advances towards a child during travel or functions.
• Exhibitionism (exhibiting before a child).

• Copying adult sexual behavior.
• Sexual play with other children, themselves, toys or pets.
• Displaying sexual knowledge, through language or behavior that is beyond what is normal for their age.
• Unexplained pain, swelling, bleeding or irritation of the mouth, genital or anal area; urinary infections; Sexually Transmitted Diseases.
• Hints, indirect comments or statements about the abuse.

Protecting yourself and children

It is the desire of every parent to protect their children from sexual abuse; but many a times, they are unable to do so. Since that is the reality in life, children and teens need to know about sexual abuse in order to increase their awareness and coping skills. Without frightening children and teens, we need to provide them with appropriate safety information and support at every stage of their development.

Dealing with an abused person

A small percentage of kids who are being incested find the courage to tell someone. These disclosures can be as painful as the incest itself; the child believing he/she is telling on someone he/she loves and reliving the horrible experience.

If someone trusts you enough to tell you about an incident of sexual abuse, you are in an important position to help that person recover. The following suggestions can help you provide positive support. Keep in mind that sometimes it’s important just to listen.

• Keep calm: It is important to remember that you are not angry with them, but at what happened. Children can mistakenly interpret anger or disgust as directed towards them.
• Believe them: In most circumstances children or teens do not lie about sexual abuse.
• Give positive messages such as ‘I know you couldn't help it,’ or ‘I'm proud of you for telling.’
• Explain to the person that he or she or he is not to blame for what happened.
• Listen to and answer the child's questions honestly.
• Respect the person's privacy. Be careful not to discuss the abuse in front of people who do not need to know what happened.
• Be responsible: Report the incident to the Ministry of Women and Child Development or Women’s Commission. They can help protect the person's safety by contacting the Department of Human Services, and provide other resources for further help.
• Help them get help: Getting competent professional counseling, even if it's only for a short time is essential.

• Panic or overreact when the person talks about the experience. People need help and support to make it through this difficult time.
• Pressure the person to talk or avoid talking about the abuse. Allow the person to talk at her or his own pace. Forcing information can be harmful. Silencing the person will not help her or him to forget.
• Confront the offender in the person's presence. The stress may be harmful. This is a job for the authorities.
• Blame the child. SEXUAL ABUSE OR INCEST IS NEVER THE CHILD'S FAULT!