Coping with conflicts

Difference of opinion, physical clash, disagreements and arguments, quarrel—one or more of this can cause conflict. Conflict also breeds hatred amongst one another. While the factors mentioned above causes conflict, what is the reason behind people getting into arguments, clashes and fisticuffs?

Trying to analyze and knowing the reasons why, will give us a clearer idea about the entire saga of conflicts and provide us ways and means to cope with it.

We tend to become unhappy and get into disagreements with people due to one or more of the following reasons:

• Criticism about our performance at work or home.
• Disapproval of our behavior or attitude.
• When people confront us during times of stress.
• When we feel a threat to our security.
• When people try to control our thoughts, behavior and attitude
• When we are denied our basic rights.
• When people question our integrity or commitment.
• When people deliberately annoy us pointing out our errors.
• When someone needles us about our physical or mental capabilities.

When common sense prevails, even the most disturbing conflicts can be turned to your advantage. The parties involved in the rift can either fight for no one’s benefit or bury the hatchet and call for truce. This holds true whether you are part of two groups clashing or whether you are two individuals clashing with one another. Here are some of the benefits of opting to resolve the conflict:

• When you choose to solve the conflict, it is an opportunity for both to grow
• When two conflicting sides call for peace, both sides become united and emerge as a stronger force.
• It is a chance to get to know each other well. Who knows, you may even end up admiring each other’s qualities which until now you did not know existed.
• It is an opportunity to show understanding and respect for one another.
• It is a time when you may begin to realize your own drawbacks.
• It is a time when you can express all suppressed feelings of each other openly.
• Your choice of calling for peace talks can breathe some fresh air into a strained relationship and can mark the beginning of a new one.
• It is a chance for both parties concerned to adopt a win–win situation.

• Be open with your feelings—be polite but firm, be assertive without being aggressive
• Be calm, cool and composed. Anger never won an argument. Besides there are more chances of your being heard if you keep your emotions in control and your voice down.
• Refrain from the blame game. Blaming one another will only add fuel to the fire.
• Remember the old adage, “It takes two hands to clap”. Listen to the other person’s version of the entire episode. This may sometimes make you realize that may be you are at fault and the other person’s action may stand vindicated.
• Respect one another’s rights. Showing respect is a positive attitude and even your worst enemy may reciprocate it. When such a reciprocation of respect takes place, it is easier to resolve conflicts.
• Be genuine in your concerns and complaints. Do not feign emotions or make false allegations.
• Keep your line of opinion based on reason. Do not jump to impractical conclusions.
• Try to heal wounds rather than opening fresh ones. Do not add insult to injury.
• Opt for a compromise. If you force people to consider only your part of the problem you are sending the other party into a defensive position and virtually shutting out all doors to an amicable solution.
• Learn to forgive—most importantly learn to forget

Finally

Conflicts occur in some way or the other in almost everyone’s life. What is important is to find ways to resolve them rather then fueling the confrontation. Create an atmosphere of happiness. There are hardly any instances when constant conflicts kept people at peace. Sometimes, the only way to resolve a conflict is by forgiveness. Forgiveness is one of the greatest virtues of mankind. It takes a great deal of magnanimity and benevolence to forgive someone who has caused you harm and unhappiness. But it can be done—it only needs pure empathy and a deeper understanding of the fears, insecurities and the weakness of mankind.