Behavioural Development in Your Child
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Your10 yr old citing different reasons for not going to school. Happens
quite often, isn’t it? Stomach ache, cough and cold, pain in the limbs,
toothache etc being the most common of them. While it is important not
to overlook these excuses, tracing the underlying reasons behind them is
of equal concern. A child may be genuinely experiencing the discomfort
due to an illness, so he is reporting those symptoms. This needs medical
attention. But it could also be because of fear to avoid a situation
that has caused distress to your child or is of grave concern, at
school.
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School age years marks the dominance of increased peer acceptance.
Children may want to conform to the standards and practices of their
group. They may get extremely demanding and pestering to match up to the
demands of their peers. So, it is important for parents to share an
open conversation by reflecting on such issues in a manner that doesn’t
create conflict in their minds. Thus, they would learn to value their
family’s norms by also being in sync with their peers in a moderate way.
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Is my child mischievous or is this an extreme case of misbehaviour?
Parents of school going children often battle these issues in their
everyday life. It is true that children are up to playful mischievous
activities most of their leisure time. Some may be too difficult to
handle, while others may turn pranksters only in the presence of their
close chums or other children. Usually, scolding and threatening to
punish can put these children in a balanced frame for that particular
moment. They immediately correct their behaviour in trying to avert such
a situation. But misbehaviour crops in when children back answer and
act stubborn. They stick to continually doing, what they’ve been told
not to do. Even, show lack of appropriate manners. For e.g. At home
beating their younger sibling; at school fighting with other children in
a violent manner and bullying.
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| There could be however varied reasons for children’s misbehaviour. |
- Authoritarian parents. Too many orders all the time may just put the
child off, for carrying out a particular task or chore.
- Extremely critical remarks from teachers, friends and family
members.
- Emotional void that sets in due to lack of loving environment at
home. Separated parents, family quarrels can also negate a child’s
mental status. He may indulge in an activity just to attract attention.
It may also stem of the resentment, because of the things he may be
devoid of as compared to other children. This does not relate to
materialistic aspects. It basically refers to the warmth, support and
encouraging attitude from parents and other caregivers. This certainly
serves as the base of the formative years of a child’s life.
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Around six to eight years age, children do begin to develop basic
concepts of good moral behaviour. But yet they succumb to situations
wherein they indulge in cheating, stealing and lying; occasionally or as
a habit. They may feel guilty about it but at the same time are unable
to get out of this habit completely. Parents and teachers ought to
monitor and keep a strict vigil on such happenings. They need to be
explained why such behviour is not apt. If a child is able to confide on
a very open note with his parents, he may not take up to such acts very
easily. For e.g. letting you know that he is not well prepared for
exams. He needs extra help with certain subjects. So that he gets well
prepared with his problem areas but rather not resort to copying or
cheating in exams.
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In other instances, if he is been eyeing the same set of colour pens
like his friend. But he should be taught it’s wrong to steal them.
Instead he should come up and tell what he wishes to have and needs. You
on your end also need to keep a check on what all essentials he
requires- stationary tools, craft materials, other items listed by
teacher etc. Also, he needs to know that irrespective of any situation
or happening; why it is important to speak the truth. You may however
resort to punishing them, if there’s haven’t been any significant change
in their behaviour. For eg.reducing his playtime, skipping the purchase
of her favourite dress etc. A teacher may opt for other modes of
disciplining children for such behaviour.They should learn to apologize
for their mistakes and know that henceforth they are not to repeat them.
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| Inculcating Good Behaviour in Children |
It is true that instilling a strong sense of discipline, right from the
early years of a child’s life is crucial to developing good behavioural
skills. But it is also important to adopt appropriate ways of doing
them. Schedule and allot sufficient time for the various daily
activities of your child. This includes his study time, play and TV
hours, time for hobby pursuits if any; meal time and sleep regime. It
thus helps the child to plan and organize his own activities, when he
grows up. Children don’t like parents hovering around them all the time.
But they are continually in need of encouragement and appreciation from
your end. So shower her with a positive remark if without being told,
she has helped wipe the table after dining or arranged her clothes rack
neatly.
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Siblings at loggerheads over TV time or games! How to move them apart?
Disrupt their argument by suggesting an entirely different activity. Let
one of them assist you in simple kitchen chore, of which he was earlier
inquiring about. While the other can play with that game or watch TV
for some time. Even, your trio could head for an activity together e.g.
swimming, playing board games etc.
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Refrain from punishing them over trivial mischief that could be ignored.
Your anger should never vent out by discipling your child in aggressive
and violent ways. It hampers his mental wellbeing to large extent, when
he grows up. Also, keep away from using harsh remarks and abusive words
even when you are scolding them. Try to decipher your child’s mood
swings. A child who has been hurt or upset over a particular issue would
get irritated, if a parent misinterprets his frame of mind and scolds
him. Let him be alone for sometime and then catch up on a close talk
discussing about things which have annoyed him or worked against him.
Learning to be patient and not overtly demanding even in situations,
when your child’s behaviour is not up to the mark is equally important.
Let your conversations make way for upping your child’s confidence.
No matter what your child should know that your support and assurance
will exist even when he errs. |